Out here in Green Acres, you can always get a baby
Diary of a Dad Housewife
Paul Engleman
Chicago Sun-Times | March 26, 1997
While I was pushing my younger son in a swing at one of the city's more fashionable playlots last summer, his older brother wandered over to a well-dressed mom and her well-outfitted tot in the sandbox.
I could tell by the glint in his eye that he was intent on relieving the young lad of some of his designer toys.
He went about it in a crafty way - politely waiting for the mom to finish her call on the cell phone, then asking if her son had learned about sharing yet.
A short while later, the woman inquired if I was the proud father of the manipulative little monster, though she spoke in an admiring tone.
"He's so articulate," she said. "Do you have him enrolled in a lot of programs?"
I told her that he mostly just hung out with me.
"How did he learn to talk so well?"
"I let him watch a lot of TV."
She thought I was joking, but I wasn't. I confess that I am one of the mortal sinners of this generation of parents. Not only do I let my kids watch a lot of TV, I use the TV as a baby-sitter.
Child development experts, educators and researchers all seem to be in agreement that too much tube will turn your kid into a boob. To say nothing of what it will do his waistline and social skills.
In the face of this consensus, it is hard for parents not to fret about the dangers of T V.
One woman I spoke to was concerned that her baby-sitter might secretly be letting her child watch T V. Depending on who the babysitter is, I'd just as soon take my chances with Mr. Rogers.
As the fourth and youngest child in a string of siblings spread over almost 20 years, I collected the benefits of benign neglect that come with having older parents who've seen it all.
As long as I got my homework done, I was permitted to do it in front of the tube. I studied history with Fred and Wilma, geography with the gang from Mayberry. I learned to add with Wally and Beaver, subtract with the Addams Family.
A friend of mine, who is now a scientist, grew up in a similar home environment. While recalling old episodes and comparing notes one night, we discovered that we had something else in common: We both are able to concentrate in noisy environments.
This is one reason why I might be not be qualified to assess what impact TV is having on my own kids. I'm too busy concentrating on my work to notice how much they're watching. My wife points out that just because I'm able to block out Barney doesn't mean they can.
If she had any doubt that our kids are prime candidates for a tubelectomy, it was eliminated recently when a vacuum-cleaner commercial came on while we were marching them up to bed. Although they were out of viewing range at the top of the stairs, both of them wheeled and squealed: "It's David Oreck!"
Aside from all the pressure I've been getting to buy a new vacuum cleaner, I haven't noticed any terrible side effects of T V viewing on my kids so far. Only time will tell whether they'll grow up with very short attention spans and very wide butts. But I'm hoping that that they'll come to regard TV as something they can take or leave.
Despite my own experience, I do sometimes get concerned that my kids are getting too big a dose of the tube. But I think I know them well enough to know when they are reaching that point.
When I think they've had their fill, I move them along to another activity: I take them to the video store.
Copyright 1997 Chicago Sun-Times, Inc.